Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
