Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
