The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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