i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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