if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
