I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
