Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
