Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
