Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
