The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
