im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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