I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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