Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
