I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
