Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
