jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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