So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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