Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
