matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again