So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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