if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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