Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now