dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
