I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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