the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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