Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.