what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
