my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
