first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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