Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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