you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
