Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
