Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
