I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
