We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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