3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is my gift to your gina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
how does that bad decision feel?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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