Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
