How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
