I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
