Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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