If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
