my phone needs a breathalizer
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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