hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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