Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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