Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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