dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
