I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
