Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
