Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
