My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
