we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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