If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
