ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
