This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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