when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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