I think i peed on brittanys purse
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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