i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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