I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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