so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
