im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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