The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He has the fingertips of a God
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