I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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