He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This baby is an asshole
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
