You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
