How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
