you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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