So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
