OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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