he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh god it's open bar.
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