I'm sorry my penis didn't work
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
