Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
