please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
