You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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