Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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