My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
