??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
