areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
