when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
