we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
