So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
