i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
