after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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