We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
