We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
