I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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