I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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