Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
