Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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